____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
