Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
