I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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