Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
