I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
