i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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