i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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