If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want nice things and good sex
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
