girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
