Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
