giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
