yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
