dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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