I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
