awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
