you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
