Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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