Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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