At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
