She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
