The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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