I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
