can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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