i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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