I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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