worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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