Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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