I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
