I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
