Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
