they said they heard you say put it in my butt
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
