im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
