when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Found the puke drawer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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