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seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
