I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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