Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
