Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
