and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize