just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
