I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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