Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
