she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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