that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize