explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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