I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
