What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
