here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
