mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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