I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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