So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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