Just fell off a train. Bad.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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