the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
