Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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