Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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