I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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