Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
