I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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