I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
