i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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