After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
This girl is more easily done than said...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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