Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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