I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im holly from the hills drunk
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
