I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
