absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
