I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
