Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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