why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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