I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
