soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
