You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
