why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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