shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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