My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
