I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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