Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
