pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
