I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have tasted many bathrooms
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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