Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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