I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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