well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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